Reuben and Haein rang me for help with their gorgeous new puppy, Kobe.
“We’re so tired, Kobe is crying through the night. We are feeling overwhelmed by all the different advice, and we don’t know what to do”
The priority was to get a good night’s sleep for Reuben and Haein, and for their beautiful three month old fox red labrador. Kobe had started to cry whenever they left him, and he cried in his crate during the night. Reuben and Haein had been worried and were checking their pup was ok and trying to settle him. It went on nearly all night. At 4 am even after being out for a wee, Kobe was still crying, and then again in the morning.
We knew that we had to get Kobe to be able to relax and feel ok on his own.
This was going to mean that Reuben and Haein would have to stop going to him when he cried. This can be a real challenge because every thing in us wants to go to help with their distress. The problem is that every time we go to them, we are teaching them that crying is the right behaviour because it brings us to them. It’s a vicious circle - but there is a way of getting through this.
It helps if we understand that the puppy will have learnt to make the sounds that work best to bring us to him.
The crying does not necessarily mean that the pup is in real distress. Even though it can sound awful, it is most likely the pup is just doing the thing that works - clever boy. Once he has started the behaviour, and we have responded a few times, he will get really good at it. He doesn’t yet know its ok to be on his own, because he has never experienced it.
It’s up to us to help change the pattern.
We need to be sure that our puppy is safe in his crate, and we need to be able to check he’s ok without him seeing us
We need to understand that he may not necessarily be in distress, just doing his best to call us.
The next thing is to stop ourselves going to him.
It took three nights
On the first night Haein decided she would sleep at the other end of the same room, to watch the whole process. Although he cried nearly all the time, Haein managed to get through without ever going to him when he was crying.
On the second night, Haein and Reuben slept in a different room to their pup, and although they could hear Kobe crying, it was much less than the night before.
On the third night, Kobe just did a few little cries when they first left him, and then settled to sleep. When he woke in the night it was the same, short crying, little whimpers then off to sleep again. Hurray!
So, three nights, and it was sorted. What a relief for Reuben and Haein - I know because they came smiling to our session the following week.
We still needed to help Kobe a little more with his separation anxiety during the day time. The best way to help him feel ok being alone in the day, would be to make it normal for him to be alone each day. When Reuben and Haein knew he was safe in his crate, they made a point of leaving Kobe, and they did not return when he cried - so they never rewarded the crying. In fact they waited until he was quiet for a good half an hour, before going back to him. This meant that dear Kobe was able to find the peaceful experience of being alone in the crate. Over the next days he cried less and less, and he had more and more good experiences of being alone. We had helped him form another good habit for life.
Of course there was more to help Haein and Reuben with, but we’d got off to a good start. Haein said ‘We’re both learning - and so is Kobe”. Reuben said they felt more confident of everything they were doing with Kobe; life was more relaxed, and they understood him more - how to respond to him, and how not to. Last but not least - all three of them were getting a good night’s sleep.
Please phone me if you want to chat about your dog: 07967 735067 or email: judy@thedevondoglady.co.uk
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